Friday

Writing Must Now Change

-- By Stephany Aulenback (re-printed from here)

You may write about what you now see, and what you saw. You may not write about what you think you see, or what you thought you saw. You may not write about what you plan, or hope, to see in the future. You may not write about what you imagine you might have seen in the past, what you imagine you might now see, or what you imagine you might see in the future. You may not write about what you imagine others see, have seen, or will see. It is important to be exact, to be precise, and to be completely truthful.

There shall be no more telling of tall tales, no more whopping lies, no more slippery half-truths. Stop skittering across the surface of things. Listen, don’t speak. Go deep and narrow, not far and wide. Stay inside the house and lock the door.

After all, a thing like this has never happened before and it could happen again.

Stephany Aulenback is excellent.

Wednesday

Welcome Home, Jeep!

I pick up my new Jeep tomorrow! It's a 2000 Wrangler Sport, and I am in love.

Tuesday

Today finds our heroine inching closer toward the purchase of a Jeep Wrangler, previously owned, but under 40,000 miles. Financing is in place, and only the Jeep needs to be secured. Hardtop is required, due to my frequenting areas of the city with character, including my house. Other than that and air conditioning, pretty open. Black is preferred, and white a possibility.

Had a breakthrough therapy session today. It's about time; I was prepared going in on this day to trade her in for a Jeep. But that freaky, weirdo thing happened where reality turns all liquid, and life seems possibly able to provide the richness of childhood again. So I'll stick it out. Imagine, though, that she thinks I make it so people won't get me, thereby writing them off without risking a real relationship. Ha ha! Who, me? And picture if you will a psychologist who tells me I am certainly very difficult, but interesting and funny along the way. The new plan is for me to be honest, to tell her what I think of her. Oh geez...

My Dad and stepmom, what can I say? They are moving to their new house in Oklahoma this month, and of course it "just doesn't make any sense at all to keep paying $1300 a month" on the rental they've been living in, and since my stepmother is planning to keep her fulltime managerial job here in Michigan until May, she wonders if she can stay with my sister while she's here during the week, "since they'll need help," what with my sister going into the second half of a pregnancy with twins and all. My dad and stepmom, they believe their own versions of logic and reality, too, so you really can't do anything with the information when talking to them except feel insane. My sister said no (go Angie! go Angie!), that this will be the last several months she and Erik will spend alone together for the next 18 years(!). So as of course you might expect as the the next logical step, my stepmother got a yes to the lodging proposition from Angie's mother-in-law, who lives on the other side of Angie's backyard fence. Wait a minute---this tangled brain reminds me of why I go to therapy... argh!

My shoulder has been out for days now. It's jacked. I am a physical cripple. What if it's age, and I'm on the way out? More likely it's from lifting the windows up and down around the house for two days of blackout.

Lastly, received an e-mail today from a woman I met at Omega, at the Lynda Barry writing workshop. She read my stuff on Here Magazine's website! Imagine the coincidence! She is Shannon Rothenberger, and one of the folks who put out Here! Crazy, crazy, crazy. Nicely so.

Monday

The Night The Lights Went Out In Detroit

So here is what happens in a Detroit neighborhood, in 2003, when there's no electricity.

8:15 a.m.
You have no water, for one thing. Losing water is way worse than losing power, it turns out. I would've assumed otherwise, I think. But the power feeds creature comforts and mental needs, while the water takes care of basic health and life. I can't wash anything, even my hands if I get something funky on them. Even low-model germs can't be kept at bay. The cat food cans, for example: I can't rinse them out. And the uneaten food can't be flushed; it's in the garbage now. And it's ramping up to be 90 degrees and off-the-charts humid today. The radio guys (miraculously, I found batteries in the attic, probably from an inspired moment of smoke alarm safety never carried through) joked that locust and the plague are next. Gerry talks about it raining frogs and the "greenout" he's experiencing without ATMs working---comedians come in handy.

11:00 a.m.
Walked to the corner and bought a case of water . The scene inside the dark store was restrained frenzy and very moviesque.

11:15 a.m.
Information is like crack, and I am jonesing. I'm annoyed that listening to my neighbors talking outside yields no information, because I understand only English. Mary Jane, across the street, speaks English, and I brought her two of my precious bottles of water. She lives alone and is kind of at a sixth-grade mentality level. I've seen posters on her living room walls and dried chunks of food on her shirts. She eats every meal at The Clock, which of course is closed, and I'm worried about her over there. For those of us non-cookers, closed restaurants are a very big deal.

2:35 p.m.
I bought a jar of peanut butter and a loaf of Polish bread that I picked out in the dark back aisles of the corner grocery. I wonder if Mary Jane has anything other than the tuna salad in her fridge that she doesn't want to believe won't be okay to eat when the power comes on. (It's been too long.) "But I spent so much money yesterday---you mean I have to throw all that food away?" There were tears in her eyes.

4:30 p.m.
After sweating to a genderless bloat all day, I've now put on a little makeup and biggened my hair. Also brushed my teeth with precious bottled water. Personally, my womanliness seems more marketable in these primitive conditions, when things like dirty fingernails matter less than pretty eyes or foofy hair.

6:10 p.m.
The birds are sounding pretty chipper this evening. Can they tell the wires they're sitting on are different today? I wonder. I'm also hungry. Jif has been a real disappoinment, let me tell you. Where's the salt? It's hard to breathe. The air is too thick, and mixed with panic.

9:45 p.m.
It's nighttime, and my neighborhood feels like a campground. We've been on our porches all day, a friendly family thanks to the shared boat we're in, but we can't see each other now, even across the street. Two houses have candles on their porches, and this light alone has half the block glowing orange. A group of scary teenagers walked by, and it turns out that a mere flashlight can be menancing; they beamed it at houses and inside cars. In this darkened situation, the guy behind the light has incredible power.

10:15 p.m.
Matt called me from I-696 & Woodward, a big-city intersection, and said it felt like being out in the country. All down Woodward, from Ferndale to Birmingham, was blackness. Except for the Chicken Shack! Glowing bright yellow, serving their generator-powered chicken to the gobs of humans flocked around their sole light like the bugs round the porchlight up north. Funny about the country feel of our city without power. I guess buildings alone don't create the feel of a city.

11:00 p.m.
The sky above Detroit is full of stars every night, but tonight we can see them, like our great-grandparents could. It's beautiful, and I feel good.